While re-reading the first chapter, I noticed I left some things out that I feel should be introduced in the story. For instance, the main villain of the story, Count Menneken, isn't truly the overseer of the town Mayfield, where Leo and his family reside. He's just the overseer of the entire province, in other words all four towns that belong to that province.
So, with that in mind, I noticed that the town didnt have some sort of governed body, which I thought was a little absurd. I actually have a character who happens to be a puppet for Count Menneken, and he's a lord. Why not place him as the governor of Mayfield?
So now, officially introducing Lord Dominick! Tall, lanky, hair to the shoulders, dresses nice, but he has just the worst luck with natural events, and he pouts and complains about it ALL the time. He was already in the story, and he's sort of a villain (more of a stuck-up pushover), so I think it's fitting to make him the comedy relief for the chapter and more.
He was originally going to be introduced much much later in the story, toward the end actually, but I think it's a better idea to introduce him right off the bat, especially since the first chapter needs some funny in it!
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Rough draft of chapter 2
Chapter Two – The Deserted Village
(Outline Format)
1. Winds pick up, and you see a lone body walking toward the outskirts of a town. Leo passes by a farm, and wonders where the animals or people are.
2. Finally reaching the town, he has not found anyone. The place of Farranstown is completely deserted. Buildings here and there show signs of destruction, as if something enormous came through and tore the foundations in two.
3. In the howling distance, he could hear a faint noise, the sound of someone calling for help. Leo gets a sudden rush in his gut, the feeling of profound importance in what he's about to do. He swings his shield forward, and moves toward the sound.
4. Toward the edge of town, he sees a boy, climbing clumsily up to a half caved-in building, running away from three creatures, no bigger than a goat. Here we take a closer look at the beasts (later known as basilisks).
5. Leo's gut tells him to move forward and charge, while his conscious reminds him of how dangerous they seem. Suddenly turning his eyes to see the frightened look on the boy up on the roof, his gut takes over and begins to charge at the beasts.
6. With his shield, Leo manages to easily knock back the unsuspecting creature off his feet entirely. Leo then continues his charge and waves his sword in either direction against the other two beasts.
7. From the cover of the other buildings, signs of life begin to show as people, all of them near the ages of 4-15 begin to peek out to see the fight.
8. Leo may not be very skilled with the sword, but his shield keeps him well protected. The boy on the roof begins to throw sand at the lizard creatures. The sand manages to get in the eyes of one of the creatures, and temporarily disables the beast, making it easier for Leo to fight off the remaining lizard-monster.
9. Suddenly a troop of hooded figures come into distance from behind a building, all of them equipped with slingshots. One of the figures yells an order and they begin to fire at the monsters. With Leo helping from one side, the hooded figures from another, the vile lizard beasts have no choice but to retreat.
10. The day is saved, and Leo helps the little boy down from the roof. The others run up to meet them, and reveal themselves. All of them are of Leo’s age, and perhaps younger.
11. The leader of the troop tells Leo that his name is Seriage. Seriage explains that all the kids that are gathered in the town are what remain of Farranstown – the orphans who were left behind when the villagers defected.
12. He recants the tale of when a gigantic serpent beast ravaged the village, and would kidnap people in the dead of night. Leo is all too familiar with this tale, as his own village is going through the same thing.
13. Seriage continues about how the other types of beasts later would come out from the woods and defile the village even further. Seriage had to help his orphan brothers and sisters, and keep them safe, all the while training them in defense maneuvers and ways to avoid detection from the beasts. Seriage then offers a temporary home for Leo, and tells him that they ought to leave soon, for the beasts usually return with more of their friends.
14. Later, Leo is in one of their safe houses, an abandoned school. Seriage introduces his fellow leaders of their ragtag orphan army – Nesley, a short stocky teen male that is exceptionally skilled with any type of melee weapon. And Khanah, the oldest of the three, she’s a hardy-looking teen female that understands the concept of protection and defense. Leo begins to understand from talking with several other orphans of how neglected the town was, ever since Count Menneken took over as provincial overseer of the small province. Food was scarce, work was scarce, the nobles of the high king left, and the traders took their wares elsewhere. The first to leave town en masse were the police guard and their families. All of those who deserted the village went north to a more sheltered town, known as Northfield.
15. *During supper, Seriage asks Leo about his reasons behind traveling to the village. Leo explains that an Old Man told him that he would be able to find help and provisions if he stopped by Farranstown first, but now he’s not so certain as there appears to be nothing for him.* Suddenly a boy enters the scene, telling them that the beasts certainly did return, but are after a family not too far off and need help. They set off to rescue the family.
16. In the nearby farm, where Leo thought it was abandoned earlier, there stands a family, an injured father fending the beasts from his family, using an empty wagon as their temporary fort. This time around, there are seven of those lizard beasts. Leo, Seriage, Khanah, and Nesley are not sure what to do. Leo suggests an attack head on, while Khanah and Seriage disagree, and Nesley just wants the chance at fighting the monsters.
17. Seriage is a little discouraged, while Leo tries to think of something that they can do, and suddenly has an idea. He tells Seriage about how Leo will be the distraction, while Seriage and his orphan friends take out the beasts one by one with their slingshots.
18. Leo goes in another direction and gets the attention of the monsters. They begin to move in his direction, giving the Seriage and his troop the perfect chance to shoot.
19. As they begin to shoot their rocks at the beasts, Leo notices the family going on the offensive against the creatures. He particularly notices the father’s daughter, using a spear to fend off the beasts, while the father continues to use his hammers.
20. Seriage realizes then that even with the help of Leo, and the two other family members, and his troop of four orphans and himself, the beasts are not truly getting hurt. He then remembers about the incident earlier with the little boy and how he managed to really cause pain to the creatures – sand. He then begins to make a pouch of sand using one of his spare bags wrapped around his belt. He adds a little incendiary powder and ties the knot.
21. During this, Leo eventually stands next to the family man, his daughter, and the other two members of the family in distress – the wife and a young toddler boy.
22. Seriage gives his slingers the new projectiles, and tells them to aim at the lizard’s head or eyes. They follow his orders.
23. Suddenly the tide is turned now that the beasts’ weakness has been revealed. With this, Khanah and Nesley give the go-ahead to attack the beasts head on. Khanah’s protectors provide support for Nesley and his troop of fighting orphans.
24. With great ease, Seriage shows a side of himself that is not revealed until much later – his natural eye for marksmanship. Khanah shows her natural side at defense, and Nesley shows his natural side at offense.
25. Finally they beat back the remainder of the lizard beasts, and save the family. The father introduces himself as Andre the Ferocious, a former mercenary captain of the now disbanded Knights of Furry, a group that was based off of Camdon province. He then introduces the lady who has been fighting alongside of him, his daughter Jemm. Finally he introduces his wife Sophie, and their youngest son, Gilbert.
26. He tells the crowd of orphaned kids about where he is going – to Northfield, and possibly start an organization, maybe even a school for kids like them (with the prodding of Jemm, his daughter). Andre convinces the group of orphans to travel with them to Northfield.
27. The following day, the winds have died down, and now they all prepare to leave the deserted town. Leo tells Seriage and his group that he plans on separating with them when they reach the fork, where Leo plans to continue his journey and face the beast in the cave. Seriage is intrigued.
28. During their journey north from Farranstown, Andre explains to them his reasoning about where he was headed. Back story for Andre begins.
29. He had traveled from far south, from the heart of Valamor, a province that is known to hire mercenaries to fight their civil battles, and often times fight bordering conflicts with the hardened Rhenians, directly east of them.
30. Andre explains that the Knights of Fury had dwindled after serving the Valamorians battle after battle against the Rhenians. Eventually, the capitol of Valamor, had hired them one last time to do the unthinkable – to raze the remaining occupying camps the Rhenians had placed in the borders between Valamor and the Territories of Rhen.
31. When Andre and his mercenary knights refused, they were fired. They were about to pass into Woodlands province until they were ambushed by several other mercenary guilds. The ambush took them by surprise and was their demise to the end of the guild. Those who escaped went on different paths, including Andre and his family.
32. The ultimate betrayal by the Valamorian hierarchy proved to end another guild that has fought for them in countless battles.
33. Andre reached the town of Lakeside, and heard of the rumors of Farranstown desertion. He had decided to start over again in the far town of Northfield, rally those who left Farranstown, and bring peace and stability back in the deserted town.
34. Now, after hearing what the orphans had told him, after hearing how the kids were neglected, malnourished, and abandoned, he decides to take them in and help them have a better life.
35. At night, they sit around a campfire. Leo chats with Seriage, Khanah, and Nesley about the plans they all intend to pursue. Jemm hesitantly walks into their group.
36. The young girl, only twelve years of age, tries to persuade the orphan kids about joining her father in constructing a new school, after they stay a while in Northfield. The new school would become a place to help those who have nothing in their future. A school, intended to start a brand new military academy. Jemm has the hopes of introducing her father to a new mercenary guild by doing this.
37. Khanah likes the idea, and Nesley is fine with it, too, so long as he gets to learn more weapons. Seriage is unsure, mainly because he worries about what he can do for the group as whole.
38. The following day, they reach the fork in the road. There Leo gives his goodbyes to the traveling orphans and the family. Andre reaches out, clasping his arm with Leo, telling him that he is certain he will meet Leo again. Leo is unsure, but has the same feeling inside his gut. Jemm, too, a little red in her face, gives a hug to Leo and a goodbye.
39. As Leo walks alone toward the mountain pass, he hears Seriage catching up to him. Leo is surprised that Seriage decided to go with him on his quest to slay the beast, but welcomes it anyway.
40. Meanwhile, in the deserted village of Farranstown, a mounted mysterious traveler slowly makes her way toward the front of the abandoned school.
41. The veiled figure, clearly a female by her appearance, despite being very well-clothed, trots off into the distance toward the direction of Leo and Seriage.
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